🔥 Look at the birds of the air.., your heavenly Father feeds them🔥

James 2:19!

Always seek, even when you know you are falling.

I sin when I get caught up in the famous Hume question when wrestling with God, but His faithfulness is forever. And as this post has been updated over the past month, the scripture in the title is as close as I can get to this topic so far. Being sinful, I don't believe I can escape sinful ponderings while God works on me. I am thankful for everything, and I still seek. 

As far as I can tell so far, it will be like in Daniel with Hananiah (God is gracious), Mishael (who is what God is), and Azariah (God has helped). Stand and choose God; True bravery and courage, whatever the outcome.

God gives us breath to breathe the fire of his love. Forgive me though Lord, I am sinful.

I thought the other day, "I choose God."

Then I thought, how do you deal with this: 

Love thy enemies.

Love Satan.

Never.

Easy to claim when your faith is untested.

In a sense, Satan was the most naive. 

Even Pharoah's magicians snakes were swallowed up by Aaron's. God is a jealous God.

The elect must vigilantly watch as commanded by the lamb.

God have mercy, as mens hearts fail even (if it were possible) the elect, when given life giving breath to the wonderment of man, yet not being the Way, the Truth, and the Life. 

Christ asks, will faith be found on the earth?

His word is holy. 

By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

If we're blind, do we really listen better? 

Is man's heart truly inclined for evil like God says (our Father who draws us), is it truly mysterious to us, and can we truly want what is good for us?

"All your heart, soul, and strength," is a commandment, after all.

How are volition and faith connected?

Our Lord says, the wages of sin is death. 

What a terrible thing it is in the eyes of God.

I am only a man, I want to understand something as deeply as I am able. In the end, though I fall repeatedly short, in my faith, I choose and love God. Trust in the Lord. 

Luke 9: 57-62 throw me too as those fellows seemed earnest and intent.

 

Spurgeon said, 'As numerous as your wanderings, so numerous your restorations will be.'

 

What an adventure we are on together.

 

Hume framed it (the conundrum of evil and suffering) this way:

 

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able: then is He impotent?

Is He able, but not willing: then is He malevolent?

Is He both willing and able: whence then this evil? 

Being subject to sinful confusing thoughts arising on the differences between love and wrath, I find this question fascinating,

 

but...

 

As I learn over and over again, it is we who are evil and guilty of evil. See my wrestling below that some may feel similarly and come to the gospel like I did in this instance: 

 

Deceptive musings and the false lights of mortal consciousness, existing in this numbered in-between. 

even the sons of light will suffer unto eternity (after forever, or, the end of the age)

have you ever encountered an angel? how would you know? can you even distinguish between true light without feeling like you are falling dead? they wouldn't even have to impress you, and even if the messenger is benevolent, how do you make sense of your sight if you don't even know the truth of things? and even if you fall 'dead,' you're still alive, but are you really living? can you comprehend true life or even the sight of your eyes? neither eye has seen, nor ear has heard... the horror! think of the benevolent being busting Paul from prison in front of the sleeping Roman guards. Guards never sleep.

 

I got a coffee and drove toward the masonic lodge downtown. 

Severed vines in bundled Christmas lights framed the handicapped entrance which couldn't more fittingly undue in a single instant in simple darkness and sin a lifetime of inbuilt curiosity with its deceptive, morbid symbology, based in the simple inverted belief that light is dark and dark is light. Here: and knowledge of the fact spoken by the Lord of the wages of sin being death, sin crouching at your doorstep, earthly timing and knowledge may be found, but why gain the world, when you can lose.., what is it, again? I just want to know how to combat it with the armor we're called to use. We excuse the highest standard and fall short in this life in simple thoughts. This is a truth of mine I will share, and the nexus of mortal daily struggle (I believe), and even simple moral failures erupt deep and atrocious anger from the soul depths, especially if you've knowledge of occult, because we are truly like this, so may our thoughts always align of righteous sound mind and be not deceived with false vines. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is.., what is it, again?

With inadvertent worship of the great deceiver and original order of the snake, bearing arms of scriptural muscle memory wrests away (the only defense, emphasis on sword of the Word) habits of veiled 'evil' leitmotifs, timings, contrasting masculine/feminine lingual associations with light/dark, positivism, thus bringing opposite desired effect of the craft, with its saturnine devouring generative futility, ultimately reinforcing faith in Christ's redemptive plan for a new heaven and a new earth, His inability to lie, and finding it's simple opposite amidst our failings, and understanding that His love is even deeper. This is key. The father of lies can only supplant himself (ye shall be like god, knowing good and evil), as only God creates, and even the snakes followers must necessarily blindly believe in God, at base being at odds with veritable truth. Weeds or wheat before the furnace.

This is the chthonic, within and without, in the material; this bundled vine symbolism parasitically infects my hearts discernment between good and evil. I am only a man, and I try to look closely at these spiritual things, I am sure of it. In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. Few bother to explore it's seemingly innocent symbology, essentially admitting, 'how wonderful it would be to be "wrong,"' because we can't be truly wise unless given wisdom (& only Adam was told explicitly about the tree; who knows what God told Satan and the angels about the Garden?); God is indeed gracious, for the snake receives his divided kingdom after all, and for acting hellish, receives a hellish reward made manifest with infinite abound, insofar as we can imagine a true absence of the divine, as most can hardly comprehend walking even a dark path at nightfall. God also made me to walk along cliff-sides, I have always had this daring in my heart. This materially would represent what we call morbid curiosity, however: the great pit is rumbling for the king of Babylons arrival, and even our imaginations shudder its preeminent truth, for we glimpse it beforehand in our very human hearts upon the coming of the day of judgment, despite knowing the time (for anything, for that matter), and a scriptural recognition of the great Flood preceding. This has to be knowledge of the gospel within us, may everyone hear it and please Father draw everybody by faith. I simply cannot understand your absence nor your glory, nor why you would draw or not draw (not everyone who calls me Lord Lord...; didn't we cast out demons in your name...), therefore who can know anything at all. These are struggles for men.

 

Great are the ties governing the binding of Orion, and even greater still is the mind of God, and so frustratingly unimaginable (like chasing the wind), but this seeking desire to know remains. I have wondered if it's this very reason (imagination of the divine, as well as its absence), seemingly placed within us, alone which inclines the will toward the divine via faith, as Jesus says: behold, the kingdom of God is within you.  Is this the true meaning? Who can know righteousness by faith unless God draws them. And who truly understands mercy in this age? Jacob, you worm! If that deceiver who I've always disliked is 'chosen,' is it any wonder I feel hourly (and minutely!) the ecclesiastical philosophers hopelessness and meaninglessness also? And even he was a king. The classic will vs. predestination struggle, for what does anything matter...God the sovereign so chooses.

Though I have faced darkness openly, fallen, sought and received redemption (unassuredly at times), may I serve as a lightning rod against the rages of subjugation to self-annihilation, much like the rallying cries of musicians of old leading the front lines of battle in order that men should follow toward the will of the One in whose image He made us all, and this scriptural fact makes me wonder the legitimacy of my salvation in the first place. Is it any wonder knowing our own hearts, let alone the hearts of others? Who can speak for the hearts of those ancient Israelites and their struggles while marching and screaming toward certain death and their faith (however strong or flickering) that all would turn out fine, even in death. The mortal struggle of the faithful. The sun shines on both the good and the wicked! Moreover, the chants of the Lords love being eternal by these musicians of old were a catalyst to the awesome works of Truth after the fact (God alone defeated the entire army), reverberating in the souls of these mighty God seeking men. Beware the much babbling, for how to glorify God with words; may they be simple. 

 

I want to hear the voices of the angels. I want to hear the very voice of God, and any action, however little, be fruitfully informed. Nothing is outside of the Sovereign, proven again and again. History, both actual and written, is itself subject therewith. 

Going back to the old argument, could Judas Iscariot escape his "fate?" It was written, woe to him, that he never have been born, so, the easy answer is no. Therefore, how to reconcile truly making your own choices while being born eternally lost from a sovereign! Woe to the 12th man born cursed under Scripture but in the mortal mind of man it appears fatalistic. Do you think the apostles (Peter, the denier for example) even considered their very own beings when wondering who the devil was when it was alluded to among them? And if you invert it, did Judas know he was a devil or think that he was indeed chosen? Especially given his own surprise after he admitted he'd betrayed innocent blood. The man suffered a fate like Achan, and his family. It assures us of our own blindness. Slave or anointed, which is it, or am I oversimplifying? Are you better than Judas? You may have not been named like he was but it is true multitudes will be sent to Hell, no? Jonah willed himself into the sea, and though I am not an elect, it too would seem I'm rushing to annihilation and not seeking it's opposite (if I'm being honest); history doesn't support the best wishes of men. Stare into the abyss as you're rushing headlong into death in this life; how else can we understand what is happening to our mortal souls, when you are born thrust into this. Just as we do not know free will, we know not true life. We are utterly dependent on Jesus for that, even our very breath. Sure he is the smart and kind friend, but his righteous justice (which feels like rage) is not only real, it's not of this universe, and the wrath of the Father. This is why I often fear God more than love him, because I don't truly know what either means, or "knowing" faith, as it were. And unless it is revealed to me, God's glory that is, am I going to hell? Assuredness is a struggle. If you are meek, submissive about the state of your own soul, because it is up to God, and you inherit the earth, how can you be sure you are in heaven, and not just the earth, like Matthew 5 says. Many will come to Him confident in their salvation, after all. Are you blessed or cursed? Do we even know the difference, given our state? Ask Jacob, or any of his murderous sons. Either way us gentiles will find out, I guess. Sins are forgiven, but one: blaspheming against the Spirit.  Do we truly know what that means? God must open our eyes. God "intervenes," at his own will. Woe to you who call good evil and evil, good! By faith of the kingdom within us, we "know," the difference. 

wHaT DoEs iT mEaN To   " K n o W ... "    {×_×}  

We are to follow Scripture, so why would God make man for the purpose of destroying their heart and souls forever? Only God has free will. Will a man truly destroy himself on purpose if he "knew" better? If we're all made with morality (the kingdom) within us, where does this sin come from? How can God do this? We can say he will freely not permit all into heaven. Does he love the people he sends to eternal damnation? He must. Great is thy faithfulness. Damn.

How do you mathematically reconcile scriptural predestination (if it is indeed 'predestination,' if it can even be understood) with the wills of men (if those can be understood either!)? I fear I'll spend my life trying to figure out these questions and suffer the process at my own peril somehow when I never intentioned to (like the choked plants on the sowers path). Am I any better than these biblical men? Any of them. Are we born fools? All of us are foolish in the eyes of God. What do you make of the faith of a fool? People are certain, "there's no way I'm deceived: God chose me, I have faith." Yes, God chose Judas, and Peter freely(?) denied Christ, even after he was warned about it. What choice Adam (and Satan) had may get closer to the heart of it than all the rest - having been warned directly (at least we know Adam was, since Satan does not receive forgiveness). Does Satan want to return to God somehow? It would seem no since Jesus called him the father of lies, as he would really have to believe it. And if he wants to be like God, he must know that he believes a lie, or he lies to himself in order to believe that lie. 

 

So, man likely warned woman, man loves and listens to woman (she wasn't told explicitly by God not to eat the fruit), so man has greater responsibility in a sense. The son of Man chose the 12th man, Judas. It is almost too much to bear (re: faith) thinking about how you must repent as best you can and leave it up to God for judgment and hope you know Jesus well enough that he will appeal you to the father and bring you through the Shepard's gate (with the thought of the lessons of the figs). I believe Jesus will save from the fire, I really do, but it's probably just evidence of my sinful nature on this earth that I would doubt and question and seek incessantly things on this topic, but also reassuring that I know I just do not deserve mercy in the eyes of the Almighty. Make my heart for you God, reshape and mold it strongly, because you can do anything! It makes me want to throw my heart in the trash, and have it replaced in this confusing and sinful world, and give my "will" (whatever/however that may mean), up to the Almighty sovereign as best I can with all my heart, soul, and strength, which is your command. Self deceit is the ultimate enemy, so the irony is in knowing the enemy. Study the temptation. 40 days of flood, 40 days of desert, the presence of water in the creation via the Spirit. This is a battle for your very soul. Jacob might have held on at Peniel and not let go until being blessed, but that says nothing about why he willed it. What did that deceitful man have in his heart? Forgive me, because I don't like him at all. Suppose Judas said, "I will not leave this table until you bless me Lord!" Ye of little faith! Ye are no different than Judas or Jacob. How many times has that been said. What if you know you've been cursed, what then? Maybe Jacob demanded a blessing as to not be cursed. So much for saving one's life (and not losing it for the sovereign Lord's sake). I'd sacrifice my life as he gave me it anyway, doesn't matter whether or not I'm chosen. Gnashing is the preview of Gods judgment, and if not drawn, will toward the body of Christ anyway. That's literally all we have control over. Or do we? Seek the narrow path anyway. 

Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil, being commanded by God himself to love our enemies that they may burn with shame unto repentance, appreciating more the 4th, 6th and the 8th days, and to be tested as silver in the flames for the final day when the brilliance of the Living one causes every knee to bow. Mortal man, there is still time, and even in imagining, we seek. As my grandmother said to some, it is never too late. I am glad for the experiences given to me. 

Crucify the sins of the flesh. One lays down his life for his brother: this being love's definition, & knowledge given (freely!) from the greatest of teachers, compels us, who accepts absolutely no false gods, let alone the vain self. It is truly dangerous for our souls and may we stay vigilant (being One body). In hindsight, while having brushed close in relation to baphomet and his minions and experienced their grooming of my own vessel with their crafts, God help me(!), I believe God looks out for me among false vines because indeed he makes kings heads turn (King of kings, as we're called, not king of slaves, slaves of righteousness) without effort at the slightest direction, guiding their actions, and loving the Lord in my depths (the greatest commandment), desire to follow Him because I hate how evil I am aware of and capable of being, and perhaps for this very reason, draw others unto Himself. But I am also grateful for this knowledge. Think of two repelling magnets. I will face the guillotine in this divided world gladly for the blood shed for me, even if I can't see Him, and may He give me the strength to pray for my enemies and to always mean it should my head even roll away. He's whose flesh I eat after all. I mercifully confess the evil in my heart. I struggle, as we all do, especially in the blood, and will share the hellfire of vanity and confusion in these evil thoughts and weak moments below. I am real after all, and should any read this, may they find relation and use for it: to always seek. I write for reinforcement also.

play the parables on repeat...

 

"I am good and evil. split. i am different than god, only in image, made able for choosing both. rage is bitter and strong. can god choose evil; can evil exist in gods creation? did god create evil to be made. by proxy? that's how humans do it. nothing is outside of god? false teachers always have an answer. god made a place from before, with a raging ocean of formless desolation, and Spirit roaming over the waters. was that place evil? that was in the beginning, the same with water (agency). no light exists there from before. let us make beings then and send them there and guard their eternal division from the tree of life, let's give them complete eternal suffering and justice for the way that they just ARE! praise god for the dust and the worms. praise him, praise him. and satan wants to be like him. satan is nothing like god, and god made him. i am as a tired shameless, evil, mad man."

NIGHT 

"What a rage of destruction. A rage of evil and ignorance. Original sin, what is divine rage? who can know, seething anger based in confusion. Purge it. of course evil isn't righteous, who can imagine TRUE RIGHTEOUS ANGER being not God. Desire is near the roots of these sensations. Sensations are all that they are and should be. These words contain no rage of confusion. Dear Word, I were made without understanding of words. what good are cuss words when your soul is pure evil. have you come to torment us before the time? are they to be like gods? who has sympathy for the devil? for he was made by an all loving being. He must have been loving before his fall."

the rampant nonsense.

paralysis by analysis, I've heard said.

I would love to understand better these topics on soul, and divine, if they can be understood, by math, logic and formula, at least organizationally. 

More emotional nonsense.

"Sin is evidence of Gods love.

Pleasure in darkness proves the existence of God.

God loves sinful people, he sends them to hell. Who can choose to go to hell when ignorant of the truth.

unless you're drawn, what is truth? I made their eyes not to see, and to hear, but not understand. did god make people unwilling? how can that NOT be true. calvanists, unite!

God made me, who can know simple parables while not knowing anything.

Some people will not understand after all, what the hell does that mean!?

Since I don't know anything, God exists. 

God invented ignorance.

He made me. He didn't make my choices. 

He knows I make my choices. 

Hell is a choice.

Heaven is a choice.

Hell is not a choice.

Heaven is not a choice. 

faith is hope in ignorance. 

faith is not knowing.

your eyes know nothing.

you know nothing. 

you know not faith.

the absence of god is nothing.

God created life to send to hell.

in hell is nothing.

you will (not) feel nothing though. crying and gnashing.

was it even life to begin with. a glimpse, a glimmer. 

Regret.

He made Satan to send to Hell, because he knew even before he made him. 

Nothing matters because God is love.

You have no love without God.

God loves you.

God loves you not.

God loves you, burn in eternity.

while you burn in ignorance. 

veiled on earth, realized in death

the great unknown, all is unseen.

God gives you sight.

God gives you blindness.

You are born blind.

God suffers, he made death. A second death, even.

God suffers, he made me. God cannot suffer truth. God cannot suffer lies. suffer the cross...

god cannot. god can. 

Why is God.

God loves Sin, Satan loves truth. Both are false and true. 

Hell is included in all things.

God made it all. all things.

what is it really for jesus to suffer and defeat death, having created both. how can he suffer like us. being god and being not god. this hypostasis!

I love my life, so let a mountain fall on top of me. but it won't come! we cannot move mountains with faith. 

Crucify the flesh, kill yourself, live forever.  Care for flesh, the big ignorant happy bliss; forever too late you had your chance, you are born dead. You cannot follow the laws if you wanted to, fornicator. you do not get a pass. god can pass on you. too bad, too late! psychobabble.

Think about God, hide the truth, post your shame in public. do the opposite.

WOW, what a hypocrite. fuck everyone, hypocrites. nobody cares for anybody else. we love hearing lies. look at the world.

I will kill you, but God killed me first, he made me. God out here killin. He killed himself. 

He can only go wherever he may go. ye be not like god(s)

your life is not your own

in hell it will be, though"

 

"Did not God drop some of the seeds on the barren path, the rocks, and not the soil.

You are awfully confident that you are indeed on the soil."

How can you judge your own fruits.

You cannot.

 

check yourself, before you wreck yourself.

 

"A man cannot judge his own fruits. He has proven bad judgment, even the saved. God is judge.

 

Human arrogance is a sure killer."

I drive myself mad with mortal thoughts on the divine. it is evident, we simply cannot know. I offend God and it is a common error with which I ask forgiveness. 

 

Jesus is too marvelous for me in my mortality to comprehend. Praise be to God. I just want answers.

I do not take murderous action against the flesh, the devils advocate is in fact an advocate, so most opt for vanity instead, and it usually only takes once for a prodigal realization and dishonor (boasting), and having broken all the commandments in some ungodly way or another anyway, I am a suffering coward and will crouch in shame and horror facing the almighty. cryer or gnasher? why not both? does that mean I have enough faith to live, or not even a mustard seed. you cannot grow seeds on your own.

 

The lessons of the 3 temptations: God's every word is life, do not test the Lord (Lord forgive this post), worship God and only Him.

 

Remember Eph 2:8 when in confusion

Put your trust in the LORD

here is scripture: 

Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for the tree is recognized and judged by its fruit.

many before the flood were growing true fruits with all their might as best they could, will they rise to life on the last day? no? how can you know. love your enemy then, and judge no one. you know nothing and Gods actions are his own. I have already broken his commands (the masses didn't know Jesus when living on earth before the flood), and I may have faith in the One body, but Gods actions on his creations, are His. we are him by the fruit of Jesus, but you simply cannot say what God will do. Prove me wrong scripturally. yes he is faithful; maybe he will do something, maybe he won't; I don't speak for God, he speaks for himself. 

shine your light. it's not your light. questioning if you have a flashlight is not simple: you may know or not know you have it in the other room, it may not have batteries that work, or not at all (cares of the world). Shine on. the blind beg like dogs, wishing to be healed. Keep it near.

So,

even the demons fear God's judgment. 

Am i not real. evil groups, legion. can satan drive out satan. no.  Beware the principalities of the air, but always remember Who is God. Place your nose in the Word. Repent and ask forgiveness. "I desire mercy and not sacrifice." Dead works, God's mercy. In God's mercy there are no dead works.

are we not born with original sin?

is there not moral suffering? natural suffering?

why is God? why am I? why?

 

Don't bother with these, memorize scripture instead for life and sustenance. Repentance is truly difficult, especially with the 3rd and 8th commandments (as witnessed). I am not practicing righteousness, for I am not righteous but through Christ, but may others relate and come to the Word through this public forum in some way. It is a common prayer in men to write their thoughts too, having had conversations with them and with God on this subject and commandment.

...

Do not fall for the false vine, words cannot express, even in all their nonsense, don't let it go too far, but peer in the darkness to understand the light: only someone where no one else can go can pull you from it's mess. We are commanded to shine light in the darkness. Have faith and know. He made me strong and adventurous, and I will travel far in mind and body to cure confusion in my soul. He is merciful. I will end with this:

May God grant us ears to hear and a heart to obey His Word.

The Word is my only strength. Luke 10:19 

1 John 5

Ye were unwilling, I've heard the scriptures quoted. may it not be so! other believers profess my own seeking nature is evidence of faith. 

do you trust your own heart? seek the source.

since god gives wealth, he'll be responsible for your heart having gained riches then. He gives everything.

sometimes purge and think things through to their foolish conclusions 75

 

don't stop.

zerfliesse, mein herze

 

My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight,
    preserve sound judgment and discretion; 

they will be life for you,
    an ornament to grace your neck. 

 Then you will go on your way in safety,
    and your foot will not stumble. 

 When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
    when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. 

 Have no fear of sudden disaster
    or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, 

 for the Lord will be at your side
    and will keep your foot from being snared.

 

you will never find the mind of god. it appears we face annihilation in any direction. it's too incomprehensible.  

May the music of his mercy abound in my soul, He sends me in the wilderness and brings me back.

In the months that I've been composing this post, the Lord convicts me with a single verse from his Word (Luke 9:62)

"Anyone who starts to plow and then keeps looking back is of no use for the Kingdom of God." 

Is 55:3, Lu 12:49, Dan 3:17-18(25), Ps 5:5-8, A 4:12, Mk 13:21-23

The notes

I may abstractly imagine myself a mathemusician

studying various patterns and grammar to these notes

but the beauty lies in letting go,

each note, for note

for they imply movement

and a sound or passing timbre 

they can be short or loud

and special in combination

or set:

it does not matter,

the recipe already exists in name only

but its language is another

the way to speak it is silent

and to us

it is a gift. truly.

when the elements combine

and music is made,

when spoken,

is a feeling like none other

jubals pleasure benefits us all

and the nervous system raises our hairs;

this is only the beginning 

it is perhaps the most beautiful 

music

let me always learn it's secrets

with something to say

without having to say anything

play onward, to share,

speak softly.

remember,

you are at the beginning.

sometimes notes 74

History's window

novel 'technylon,'

we can all feel you.

old demons may haunt,

but patience

steadily engulfs being.

what awaits, in

the millennial boomerang;

will man not escape?

We are told the end, is certainly

not yet.

even the wealthy ones,

await the

saving graces

of the knowledge,

of the mundane. 

what makes a man rich, anyway?

what in the heart,

can be known, by man himself.

therefore:

each sunrise,

face spritely with

renewed spirit, for the

grey of winter dawns.

this is living,

it always has been. 

the embattlements,

of experience. 

with each season, 

in & out - I am

invigorated by her breath!

open the window wide,

chill the air

with your nostrils.

the best way is always through,

Frost says.

Let peace abide, in an 

understanding 

of the seasons, wrought 

through history's window.

sometimes thoughts 73 

sandstone & the jump

Sometimes I am certain of a place,

of another time, 

cliff jumping,

or at a moment that lapsed

beyond what I'd considered real.

It's not absolute,

but always red.

It's tranquil stillness

is visceral.

I've touched this place.

 

While ascending this sandstone

a la Moab,

Horseshoe-esque,

but not quite,

I am almost certainly out west.

I have known this place.

 

I know I am going to jump,

intent upon it,

for there is water below,

and walk this gentle slope,

up & to the right,

to a point in a bend

of my choosing.

 

When I pause, 

look outward and left,

there is no indication of life.

This is the snapshot.

Just myself,

 & only stillness,

excitedly, intently

deciding...

This hill has no nature,

of any kind,

other than red rock,

maybe a bush

off the view.

Below,

the calm water,

is so blue,

it is almost black.

This dark,

serene,

bluish black.

There is no wind.

Wind is my favorite.

I reach the height,

step close,

& peer the edge.

 

Still it is calm,

& the water,

is life-like.

I don't know though.

 

Below it, is

unseen, from above it.

 

I calmly breathe,

and look outward.

I can see blue sky.

It is nothing,

like the water.

I glance backward,

toward my walk space.

 

As I step out,

in this time,

especially,

it is longer, but,

not a sound -

As calm has no sound. 

 

The water rushes toward me,

still as glass,

...when I hit,

I am beneath,

but never for long.

 

The mystery calms me,

more than the rest,

of this place.

I've been here,

more than once.

 

To the surface, 

a blast of energy,

I scale the rock,

to continue on.

I manage.

 

Sometimes I reach the top,

sometimes a friend or two

are there, 

but not usually.

 

In my senses,

I have been here before,

I know I have. 

I do not have a picture of this place,

I would have to search very long,

and very hard,

to find it,

& make sure

that it is just right.

I doubt I ever will.

 

However,

it is unclear to say,

whether I will visit this place again.

I think it's waters,

will bring me closer,

to understanding the nature,

of this place.

 

Sometimes places 71

 

Vassal

God gave the gift of music to man,

let us return its glory best we can;

men wrote words inspired by Spirit,

let each note written, flow Within it.

70

dark to light & the souls of men

rejoice in the truth, for it will set you free.

fear no man, for they have no masters.

pity their souls, that they may see Destiny.

even the dark one, desires the Light (reconciliation).

though he'll never admit, the worms writh still.

their lies, in rank and confusion

suffer inescapable, wreaks torment,

in this life, they know not.

with unimaginable yearning,

this longing to return,

where truth, was once manifest.

such joy indescribable,

for those so choosing,

to be brought before their Master

in the daring,

exposition of corruption,

of their souls,

in this life, 

upon gated entry,

toward the Light,

will bound

unto Eternity.

unimaginable Beauty.

for I learned this today -

any of which we ask,

in the name of the One,

so be it unto Him,

to fulfill his Destiny,

greater than our own

and the sake of His,

for the betterment of ours.

the Truth, in reconciliation,

shall set our souls

unto the great Divine,

in this life, and the Next.

sometimes thoughts 69

seek and find surprise

for the July 26 pettiness only proved my sinful human nature and the nature of God as revealed to be in the mysteries of understanding what I know not, directly worked on my heart and turned me from foe to friend: God truly is the most mysterious and beautiful working manifestation of a Spirit upon ignorant hearts in need of that said Spirit. Once you think you know, you probably do not and brief infinity reveals to finitude. Thank God for showing the love of neighborliness and understanding as only one Spirit can. I seek upon great Wisdom. It is too beautiful for me to understand. Point. and Fix your gaze, young man! Words are shadows, placards, toward truth of the Forever. 

68

breakthrough?

There comes a point, or points rather,

life's mysteries seemingly converge,

and coalescing tidal attitudinal shifts,

beckon the brows horizon,

upon new and spirited adventures.

Who am I kidding,

growing up is both painful and beautiful,

simultaneously, with its clarities.

Turning the page over old wanton ways,

feels in one sense liberating,

and efficaciously gratifying,

in a way I can't quite put into words.

 

Is it all meaningless,

like chasing the wind,

or do our words and sins reveal

what precisely make us human.

For this new horizon,

I am particularly excited about.

 

The meaning is in the work,

the toil, not vain, but it is our purpose.

And this new attitude must,

must find you working. 

 

And every so often,

a glimpse into a song,

let's a melody out of my heart.

These moments,

are the ilk of my pursuits.

 

How to express,

..........................

except for to be grateful in my beliefs,

as I hold them,

mature them,

and looking back 'mongst

the catalogue of my life,

warmly embrace the growth

of learning,

as a direct result 

of being alive,

and living.

 

Live in the Word.

The more you learn,

you learn,

it was there all along.

 

Sometimes thoughts 67

 

 

two lessons

To be still, and know the truth

is the resilience of temptation. 

If a bird in the hand is

worth two in the bush,

reserve any rushed action.

For by chance, two have crossed my path,

one radiant and mysterious like the sun

the other, sweet and calm

and beautiful in physical form.

In these paths, gratitude remains; it must.

For with one's dying breath,

and the others revival, within mysterious 

hands, points with faith to the laws of nature,

seeking the ease of the breeze off the

barn wheats chaff.

All can be made to be understood,

seek these two lessons of the birds.

sometimes thoughts 66 

Humble yourself, young man.

Who waters the dry and thirsty land,

so that grass springs up? 

Does either the rain or dew have a father?

Who is the mother of the ice and the frost, 

which turn the waters to stone

and freeze the face of the sea?

Can you tie the Pleiades together 

or loosen the bonds that hold Orion?

Can you guide the stars

season by season

and direct the Big and the Little Dipper?

Do you know the laws that govern the skies,

and can you make them apply to the Earth?

sometimes Godly (Job) thoughts 65 

64!

Quit trying to vaccinate the entire world you stupid fucking fascists. We don't want your goddamn genetic altering therapeutics. 

sometimes outbursts 64 

pettiness

I don't even know this guy.

another background on set,

seems socially awkward, likes quoting adult swim shows

girl next to me laughs awkwardly at his long-winded antics

like a slow clap.

listening to his phone out loud,

complaining about politics,

and all that is wrong with the world.

I try not to judge,

but maybe he should work on himself,

while he heavily sits there breathing loudly,

judging others

as the minimal activity of moving around in his chair,

and yakking, steals his wind.

63

the Word

the Word is affixed for all time,

shine the light where there is darkness.

62

lives & the lives

all falls short

people living out their lives, through their screens

the lens of the eye to the window of the world 

this parodied manufacture & it's parasitic grip

will never compare 

to Nature

and the harmony of the wills

given 

of the consciousness of man.

61

the rules of law

If/How super-intelligence dominates rule of law and ends(?) philosophy as we know it, will 'novel' thought function to our benefit? 

sometimes thoughts 60

Time to unwind.

I sometimes think back on the times when windows 95 came out and I used to play with a flight simulator joystick game as a kid, along with the memorable Treasure Mountain with the solfeggietto intro, and of course that AOL dial-up tone. These memories stick to my mind as we exist in the current time of the so called 'Social Dilemma.'

What we have now entered into (along with the at-birth-plugged-in kids of today) are hardwired neuro-linguistic programming models inundated within our very lives. The outdated government factory school-to-cubicle model in turn accepts a slow and painful evolution as we approach this concept of a parasitic divergence or singularity, we don't really know which. These are my individually projected thoughts on the perceived collective, given the great reset, which is now out in the open! How can an open secret move according to plan? Human nature I guess. Even the good people hopped on those trains and walked to those ditches of their own volition not 80 years ago.

As someone who bridges the gap between old and new technology, or perhaps has one foot in a previous time (personal computers) and bridge to the next, if I even have kids at this point seems that they will ask me to recall a time when the dawn of the new millennium happened and what exactly it was like.

 

Even in the midst of this it is hard to describe.  Politically, we seem programmed to except a dawn of post truth materialism, judged not by our own eyes and this dream of trans-humanism among the classist (and apparently very racist) elites, but I don't know. Their roman divide and conquer strategies won't work on an informed public, as a double-edged sword. Socialism approaches, and I am reminded of the Fabian window, and the classic wolf in sheep's clothing. It was a long game for them. To me it seems more immaterial though, or spiritually pressing. Humans are susceptible to narrative, whether real or programmed. It feels almost like an impending genocide will occur with the events as fed to us, with the conspiracy claims accompanying, millions of healthy vaccinated people, and the coup pillar Joe Biden's 'dark winter.' If the cabal is indeed not a conspiracy, who are the shadow operators? 

I did hear the philosopher Stefan Molyneux speak about 'digital genocide,' and as history is no stranger to genocide, and 'character assassinations,' this seems the end effect goal of the current digital space.  Luckily no one reads or comments on my blogger, so I suspect I am low risk for such cancelling, unless the cancellors know where to look. Shame on unreasonable people, and moreso the reasonable who do not stand for principle! The Trump interruption to supposed sinister plans of the so called 'death-cult' have never been more apparent. There exists a chasm in the society, I believe. Wikipedia makes no mention of genocide at all under either of their socialism and communism pages, and this is according to Dr. Larry Sanger, the (self) excommunicated co-founder. He vehemently opposes centralized knowledge, as if consciousness is priveleged! I share his sentiment. From the multiple EUA (not full FDA biological licensure) mRNA therapeutics, to the sterile EO (ethylene oxide) nasal swabs, the so called 40 cycle PCR 'false-positive' tests, one can't help but think soft-kill inoculation is present, and affecting generations (future as well). Were it not for certain figures like Dr. Vernon Coleman, and Geert Vanden Bossche , himself a former senior executive to the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation, I might accept I am a conspiracy theorist. But it isn't exactly a theory when thrombosis is demonstrably true, and that continuated doses of EO are carcinogenic, especially when administered in pre-wrapped deep nasal swabbing mechanisms, which affect the roof of the mouth, nasal cavity and back of the throat. The most fearsome thing about the information age is the openness of it. Everything is published somewhere. Perhaps I will tell my kids I followed info which lead to other things in succession, like the UN operations, summits, and various agendas, Lucis Trust, and who owned what when etc. Digital cryptos seem to be replacing the confidence of the USD faster than they'd prefer, but maybe I am just radicalized right now. 

The counter-narrative of the great reset is the great awakening.  However, if you go outside, there would be no evidence of any such virus, the world continues green and sun shining, apart from the people wearing masks, which you'd think to yourself, 'why are they wearing a mask?' Nevermind the lockdown quarantine that has existed for an entire year.  Soft dictatorship and economic reset. In Canada, business ownership went from 1.3 million to 700,000.  I pray in my heart for the bright lights of people shining a light on corruption of the souls of men.  This is a seeming (and created by men) global catastrophe. But I am an American.  Patrick Henry as an idealist, with the fortitude of Washington, wisdom of Franklin, and imagination of Hamilton. I perceive these qualities to be among the best, but they themselves knew they received them from God.  Never underestimate nature.  Even wicked men, deep down, fear the truth of nature. Even if their evil ignorance be benign. I have done unethical things, but I am by nature good. As Doestevsky said, "It is easy to denounce the evildoer. It is difficult to understand him." God, or nature as it is known to me, created all of it. What awaits the hearts of men judged to eternal fire, should strike a righteous fear in all true men. The narrative of the world seems uneasy as portrayed right now. Much going on behind the scenes. I really don't know.  I am just going to focus on my own happiness and joy for now.  Time to unwind and unplug in a meaningful way.

 

The main difference of this plugged in generation and the previous, is your own personal robot exists right in your hand.  We are so hopelessly addicted to them, as they're designed to be.  My imagination wonders when they will be hooked up to our thoughts. Our own integrated integrated circuits. 

After seeing the 90 minute interview of Justice Clarence Thomas and Julian Bond (from 2009), I am further convinced an entire generation and by association, other generations, have slowly accepted the conditioning of appealing to opinion over reasonable fact. This is not constructive behavior in our newly birthed digital space. The amount of pornography for example is truly horrific, as I'm sure no previous 1000 generations combined have seen as many naked images, and it is certainly no post-truth for that of my friends! Age of information, more like age of exploitation.  With AI on it's way, it is almost certainly an existential threat to humans, and the evidence of depopulation is fastly approaching, anybody seems to lie who says they cannot feel it coming!  Before any of us realize it, it will be too late. We are not so far removed from the creation of the birth control pill, free love movement, and eugenics has brought on new meaning when it comes to planned parenthood.  Despite these environmental stressors (or distractors), human consciousness and the spirit remain immovable as a force of it's own, and nonetheless, I will continue enjoying life as I exist.  The inner flame will continue until I certainly die.

 

I had a visceral reaction to walk away from the daily and increased programming in the family today, while watching the tv. Time to unwind, put the phone down, and focus on what I really want to achieve, and to enjoy the remaining time I have with my family, both individually, and collectively.

I pray to God and to Nature as I know it for the gratitude of the revitalization of my spirit, and the learning from error of my former ways, as I look back on old posts, and the joy with which I move forward being still alive to enjoy life as it exists. 

 Amen. 

 

Sometimes thoughts 59 

 

feeding time, who's eating?

Your own mRNA'd GMO's... you (we?) eventual transhuman. Next century societal evolution's gonna be a bumpy ride. I imagine my friends descriptive population plane-off may hold some merit of truth. We shall see. I love my loved ones. 

It'd be nice if the fascist vaccinators weren't recklessly integrating us arrogantly without any rigor (differentially or effective, as known), as if these simple bullies weren't human themselves. What vision, if there were ever an historical fountain of youth constant! They await a cruel new eugenics awakening at their 'pillars' which they cannot imagine for themselves, as if they were refusing their own humanity. They promote everything they disbelieve. Though they be but criminal themsel(f)ves.

Don't hope, only do, I've been told. We all have been told. Mine is mine own constitution, mans (theirs?) quest against the ultimate state of the pillars, our only sure fate in life, besides birth. Best wishes, bullies. 

Rigor is the method. Hope is ever aiming. 

Death, a certain fate. It is. This is just.

Man imachines himself. 

58

Meme from India

time, like a snake, and the souls regard for heaven.

the inundated programming feels a soul sucking,

best to find relief, without.

a wary days wander through the mind ungiving,

and the hours slip away.

a great precipice mounting, my soul ne'er wearing,

fast coins hold fast, no.

all spiritual, no material. 

where by drawls from people ever giving,

their energies never ending, receding,

this noise noise can't continue ...

without some break among the eye,

the public, it's own carrier,

erosive mind sssssssucking outpours,

reclaim, ours be the narrative.

peace, but sadness. 

removal of the cancer from the maligned, itself.

they can only operate as they know,

destroyers of this new eugenics, themselves 

let them eat.

poison of the collective conscious, minds.

never waver! hold fast to life, everlasting.

let this digital footprint in the universe, 

for this time, be here now.

sometimes a yearning noissssses 57

vision

For as loving as mankind is (in & of itself) to one another, how do you imagine novel AI unfolding?

#singularity 

Procreative precedence seems an evolutionary understatement, despite evidence of decline (and those calling for flattening this curve). 

#posterity 

56

listpeak

Divide and conquer is:

Listen:Don't speak

Speak:Don't listen

It is amazing how people listen, and don't speak.

It is amazing how people speak, and don't listen.

Inverse

Don't listen:Speak

Don't speak:Listen

Harmonious

Listen:Speak

Don't speak:Don't listen

These carry factorially. 

What are some of your favorite logic (&reason) forms/proofs/arguments? 

Sometimes thoughts 55

Twittering

Had to get off the memetic wrath train, not resembling real life nor exploiting the representative self.

Nonetheless, intriguing and sometimes surprising insights abound on the platform.

It proved informational while learning otherwise unknown laws or concepts related to government or personal liberty.

"Deplatforming" myself voluntarily has lead to greater curiosity on my own time, and a renewed richness in study for interesting subjects. 

I've a renewed interest in consciousness, rhetoric and symbolism via the short snappy pithiness of Twitter users I've encountered over the years. Nothing a short wiki search can't solve being provocatised (google will not confirm this word) in this disgusting false proverbial echo chamber.

It is certainly nice however, to follow great thinkers of our time, respectable people who ponder things deeply, it has amplified (and also diminished) my faith in humanity.

Concepts of power, slavery, philosophy, psychology, and even conspiracy are voiced frequently on the site, and of course, there is no limit to the ignorance of man, an all too human trait. 

I grow tired of attempting to talk with people enjoying their own sense of moral superiority, a self parody without any sense of irony, false conscience etc. Ignorance is an (albeit curable) affliction. 

Love is the answer. 

Best to focus on other things and to retreat inwardly for now.

sometimes thoughts 54

53

Never stop reading.

Never stop learning.

Never stop enjoying being alive.

Live fully until you die. 

to serve and protect

Is protecting human life not covered under the phrase, "to serve and protect?" 

It's right there in the credo, to protect from death. 

52

race, a human invention. thanks, human language.

There is only one race. 

Human race.

Humans are the only ones killing other humans, keeping other humans down, or expressing anger to other humans. 

Males are males and females are females. Mr. Rogers, a human, said that.

Humans have the ability to see, and not to see. How remarkably human. 

Humans are the only ones lifting other humans up, giving birth to other humans, or showing kindness. 

You didn't choose to be human. You are human who are reading this. Justice is for humans.

I dream of a day where we can transcend and look beyond our selves and each other toward the new frontier of space. Where we are at and what we do with our humanism with other true races of not humans (or how they may call themselves). I dream we will get along with them and ourselves and that even the life we share is a broader term of "one." Other worldly oneness. Other ones may help us realize as we slowly globally dawn our own one-ness. 

Logic was thought of by humans, as was the Pauli exclusion principle and the Fermi paradox. History and it's repeating is human (thanks to other humans like Copernicus). Humans are remarkably blind to ourselves and our human humor allows us to see that. Our highest achievements are human achievements. 

Love is the highest known human aim. Ignorance is human. Listening is human (and otherworldly). Not knowledge is simply unknown. A timeless human trait. Learning is more than human...dreaming is human. Dream on, human. 

Human thoughts 51

immovability

You ever lay

Transfixed in thought?

The slow

Dumb thumb 

Typing stream.

Futile.

Of consciousness 

For consciousness 

We cannot 

Input fastly enough.

Thinking out your life,

((Y)Our(s))

Then. 

Spawned to action.

Interminably. 

On loop.

This restful period

But work.

Thee Work. 

From the heart

This is necessarily

Real Life.

Complainers

The systems refuse 

How they abound.

Surely they're 

Not us.

Ha ha

Why mustn't we share.

We need a 

System(s) Update.

Ignorance is the only evil 

I've heard

Ignorance is intelligence 

With Naked compassion. 

Truth. 

Antidote of shame

Or contempt.

Oh, what to say 

For outdated cliches.

Give me A

Raise, not praise.

TheY press truth.

Clothed ignorance 

Still

Provides shelter. 

But it's not truth.

Text blog.

Small print.

Small ideas. 

Action.

Move-ability.

Lightness.

Too raw.

An exposed nerve

No myelin sheath.

Learned that in class

Seemed important 

At the time.

Physics, Economics 

We learn

And grasp.

Late

On the decline. 

You can hear

The wisdom murmer

Pause, 

In the street

Barely silent.

Just let it.

Live it all out.

With no hope.

YOur life.

Please

My lungs

Source of breath

Stay healthy. 

Sometimes transfixed thoughts 50

Come, said my Soul

Come, said my Soul

Such verses for my body, let us write, (for we are one,)

That should I after death invisibly return,

Or, long, long hence, in other spheres, 

There to some group of mates the chants 

resuming,

(Tallying Earth's soil, trees, winds, tumultuous waves,)

Ever with pleas'd smiles I may keep on,

Ever and ever yet the verses owning - as, first, I,

here and now,

Signing for Soul and Body, set to them my name,

Walt Whitman

My soul YAWPS

49

snapshot

Enough pretention. Not knowing is cooler.

Felt a soul shudder from the twitter sunset pic. 

The mind and body align in those rare and so yearned for moments. 

That quintessence, that clarity, that conscious, strikes through. 

It's a wave, we can only experience, not grasp it.

Though we relish the thought.

Those mmm moments. 

Gratitude, acceptance, forgiveness, these make life beautiful. 

Kindness, patience, the overreaching benchmarks. 

Don't talk or think, breathe and be.

The heat absorbs the suffering of my legs. 

The skin wants to retreat, but the bones do not move.

The transition in my body - sees itself. 

Natural transitions.

By the temet nosce we just are, to be.

As the suns rays lay wasteful beauty over our eyes.

And angry angry angry for no good reason.

I have glimpsed,

To grasp the unendurable. 

Endurable.

We are unendurable, two little eyes.

We cannot see when we're born. 

Not knowing is all. 

48

the Masters of Mankind

noam

47

rant.

For your consideration as a striking visual representation. Go about your day, like you do any other day; read below, then watch. 

"Notice a difference yet?" How long would it take for you to notice? If you cut one of the pennies in the video into 10,000 pie pieces, each new little piece is still $10,000. A piece. How long does it take to save $10,000. What about if you're an old man, or a young man? Depends, I suppose. How is time not the most valuable perspective? 1 million seconds is 11 days, 1 billion is near my upcoming age this year (33). 

How I feel, naively idk, as I journey through our world, in this digital numeracy age, is that there should really be no reason that nobody doesn't have enough: free in mind, and thinking for ourselves, without living to maintain a "cost" of living, but providing for future humanity itself, altogether ourselves. Would I be wrong in saying how difficult it must be for men in the present to provide for a family, let alone themselves? I'm no engineer or coder changing the world, or have a family myself (yet), but have my own visions, successes and passions of life I myself follow in music and art, all the while honored to know some of the best and have witnessed people having families working in the artistic field. I also aim there. 

It's just funny how we view time. All this hustle mindset stuff is productive, but way overdone, have a rest, relax and enjoy your life. My grandma gardened, I never have. I would sit alongside her sometimes and talk, toiling the soil with her. How long would it take for you to grow your own food? What about insulin? Collective and mental slavery still exist here (earth); you have to pay for your own housing and food. You don't choose to get sick. Water is essential, but sold at the store, etc... Labor is "honest toil," a "vetted remuneration policy." Maybe we need an altogether new system of "money" or valuation, an actual "rigor" proactive contributing force of good for humanity. Balanced though. Greed (and anger), is cancer someone once told me. Let me know if you have any good ideas. Bitcoin? 

I am just baffled and amazed by the magnitude and scale of this video analogy, and how much or little, people understand about the present moment. One of the most intelligent people I've met once told me not to hope, that it is dangerous (even though he'll swear he didn't and tease me about it), and I understand why better now. Anyway here: enjoy this video; math and physics run the world, and please bring philosophy back to the streets.

pennies

46

45

Her mouth. 

Her home. 

Once her mouth speaks truth she can make a home with her man. 

Then she will truly sing.

45

Dedicated to You

44

the Breath

Nature's cold wind through the window screen so invigorates my soul's breath, rooting my body in the Present - time traveling in no direction, past nor future...

43

Perhaps

Shall I compare love to art or math?
Can I compare it to either?
Perhap's it's the mad rush of passion
and a tidal wave in a Rachmaninoff sonata
or the joy of solving a long difficult problem
or beyond?
Maybe it contains all the simplicity
of a singing voice, and at the same time
a chorus of angels
What about time?
The savoring of a seemingly eternal moment.
There is no rush to love
Shall I compare the mystery of it?
Is it the joy of knowing it is a mystery
or the yearning of a reality beyond measure or comprehension?
In the end, is the answer to love in a question?
Or an answer no one has thought or heard?
I do know one thing as it has perplexed man
It's worth is beyond measure
42

9.26.15 2:22am Supermoon?

When the leaves of future past
no longer bear resemblance
and hazy shade trees cast their fog
will my honesty ride on through
None but one heart beats for you

As simpletons progress onward
in the endless reach
for art and its own sake
My esse makes its case
No molds to shatter glass in vase

Words in legacy ring true?
With head in the clouds
and flying on our bicycles?
An endless charade of sorts
with character in tow, cohorts

Mine as a simple mission be
under light of moon, and in row
Assertive, dominant, overbearing
this wanting to want - be, see
Should I only just be

Sometimes thoughts 41

40

https://youtu.be/rFpYdWgULto

WABC radio, Birdland 1953

"And it sure does move." Corny announcers. This music - I haven't appreciated and heard the sound with as much enjoyment until after watching a couple interviews with the man, Miles Davis. Dick Cavett and 60 minutes are two great interview examples. He said jazz is an attitude. He teaches me how to listen a certain way, and I only realized recently, it is by how he speaks and what the fuck he says. And I've read his autobio, but I feel closer to it now. The way he can move a conversation with just a simple question or statement similar to how he directs his round and often sensitive trumpet sound. This audience listened. In the band, the pianist Larry had told me of: Wade Legge. One of the few recordings I've heard of him too, and I've even seen his written charts. Gone before his time, incredibly talented, from Buffalo/Rochester area I think. Candido Camero was insane on this percussion too. Larry and perhaps just a few others I've heard had that old bright fresh jazz era spirit to their playing. He learned all his tunes by ear, we used the fake books. If you really listen to it, it makes sense. And it really is so different! But it's not me or my generation, even though I love it and grew up with some of the tunes. It's great to feel some sense of breakthough as a musician. Don Menza was speaking with me at the house which gave me pause for reflection when I went home. I cannot rely on ear alone (those words carry weight and work ethic) and have no preconceptions, no nothing! Surely I wouldn't view it only as a historical but a living (and for the personal vision as it pertains to me, he spoke them to me) advice regarding necessity and manifestation.

It's like learning to speak again. With a computer. Not just to be heard, but just to speak. Child-like even. Saying something. Making sound. I feel as if I don't even know what I sound like! That's alright! Sit down with it. Find it, or have it find you.

This is considerable where I had always thought I felt focused on music but didn't really do my homework (thanks for that lesson Ron, and as I still do...). No way I'll lazily put myself in a box, but have been unreceptive to changing my thought patterns. A major upheaval. It's like Larry told me, you know how to play, you need to learn how to play music. Any my serious musician peers would probably laugh at me for my lack of prowess and knowledge, touting curiosity, but I don't care anyway, I just didn't know how to listen. I still feel I don't, but it's growth, and learning to listen to my self. Not only listen, but actualize it. My musical instinct. Trust in what you're saying both life and music.

I reach toward a vision for my fucking self, fix my attitude, and broach the surface. Deciphering sincerity.

I can understand why Larry and Don and those guys felt this was IT when listening to these recordings. And the concerts! They saw Bird and Dizzy and sat at the bar for two hours afterwards and didn't say a word to anybody, not even each other. Silence. Music will always have that same inner effect, actualized, and even hypnotized. When was the last time you heard a billboard song that stunned you into silence for two hours? I realize Bird wasn't "main" but he was and is later on, and top 40 certainly isn't sounding "new," with the lyrics "do you ever feel like a plastic bag." Will they hold up to history? We are in a new century music friends. Each century usually brings with it a new sound, but music essentially never dies.

We (my peers) are perennial students of this art, and this timestamp. We can have our own thing though. This 120 bpm modern homogenous madness can be gone thanks.

And the sincerity with which Don spoke to me regarding my current rock band path and about his son Nick denote this inward journey as necessary. His aorta burst on the bandstand at the baked potato at age 43, but Don was coming through with the wise palpation of a sage sussing my youngass out! Frank Strazzeri told me everybody plays their own time. That's it. Man it's easy to get caught up in the want to learn things, and skepticize your own vision, and not actually learn things.

Not every artist is born exactly the way they are. Obviously I respect and adore these old giants. I cannot rely on my ear alone, I must give it everything.

I need to go in a cave and draw and play some bone flutes or something. With an occasional hang seasoned about.

40

39

Divide and rule, the politician cries; unite and lead, is watchword of the wise. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Boredom is the root of all evil - the despairing refusal to be oneself. - Kierkegaard

Poets utter great and wise things which they do not themselves understand. - Plato

39

Present

The inner poet yearns. These poignant moments, as I say gute nacht to presently important realizations: the last vestige of a relationship, a cherished grandmother, a youthful zest-iture for mortality and responsibility - with still the vigor of an early morning basketball game, and eager world travel in the spring. I heed this spectrum of life events, hopefully with more sleep, its new horizons, the worthiness for a responsible legacy I carry to my death, a shaking intensity in the present, and unforeseen future events. So vibrant does this moment feel, as moon fall precedes a sunrise, I am grateful for the gravity of it. The child clings, youth grasps, wisdom of acceptance breaks forward into adulthood and understanding. The facts remain not to spiritualize but recognize, portraying a universal truth, no different, perhaps in expression - like making use only the beginnings of electricity as it is functionally understood, for responsible and more weighted curiosities, and potentially greater consequences - a feeling; an inner expression.

38

Lyrics

The very thought of you makes my heart sing
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring
And you appear in all your splendor
My one and only love

The shadows fall and spread their mystic charms
In the hush of night while you're in my arms
I feel your lips, so warm and tender
My one and only love

The touch of your hand is like heaven
A heaven that I've never known
The blush on your cheek whenever I speak
Tells me that you are my own

You fill my eager heart with such desire
Every kiss you give sets my soul on fire
I give myself in sweet surrender
My one and only love
My one and only love

Songwriters: Guy B. Wood / Robert Mellin

My One and Only Love lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

Sometimes thoughts 37

Hominidae

Definitions - jargon

Conflationists, confabulators, enablers, manipulators, obfuscators; some of these terms are thrown around typically; these are avoidant people, reflecting self assertive predilections upon consequentially reactively avoidant people. Disengage with this behavior, and while patiently assessing their motives, as evidenced through self reflection, with all inherent self bias, reasonably execute collective positivism from statistical data of inter-related behavioral analysis. Sets, subsets and minutae of interacting parts-human, must benefit all parts from within; we are only our greatest strength, exceeding devoidant or negatively influenced human behavior.

As China's social scale slowly awakens a sleeping giant that will shake the world, these definitions and very real world consequences often carry negative psychology. Inflicting no travel bans upon the people. Our attentiveness is referenced by data toward a positive psychology, collective knowing is enlightenment toward proactivity for the species.

Skeptically intuiting motives for good/wanting-to-watch-the-world-burn people risk the consequences of marginalized behavioral patterns that do exist. However, my argument is for positive human related behavioral understandings learned through scientific analysis. For now, how else could we learn about people as being people? Our innermost selves. Reflected back. To ourselves. I'm unconvinced reading the dictionary is unresourceful. I was struck with laughter by the word bilious.

As mankind epochs, thoughtfully including the agriculture, bronze, religion, science, or information age - so through this idea of definitions will humanity flourish toward the next discovery beyond enlightenment, reason, science, optimization, tertiary cognizance, or whatever else may fascinate the imagination of the future to what may come about from our innate-ness.

Sometimes rambling thoughts 36

Sincerely

Leave someone with the last thing you may say to them. May your last thoughts be good before your lips turn cold.

Sincerely,
Death

Sometimes thoughts 35

34 - Logic Understanding & Resolve

Sometimes thoughts 34

The Road

I'm performing NYC today. I'm seeing things. The world. Living. Amazing what you chose to talk about. For hours. Years even. I ain't about to let these things pass me by by being on the phone in this present time. West Virginia is much more beautiful to see looking out the window. No fucking way. Not another minute.

We tried. We really did. We're gray. The beginning: You said you were shy. I didn't know. I loved your confidant walk. We didn't talk for a year. Started a relationship. I didn't trust myself with loving you. Something was off. It was me, but it was also you! Felt left trying to convince myself. Tortured myself, what was I thinking? It was also your ways of things. Told others, recorded your outbursts. You told others, did things. You did. I apologized. We broke at the peak of my alcoholism in dramatic fashion. That's the only time you talked to my brother or my friends. Sponsor. In crises; a pattern that would repeat. A month or 2 went by. Didn't talk. We finished work. We slept together again, lingering feelings left to try again. Called it a tryst that built towards another relationship. Who's dishonest here? I should have known better. Stupidly got involved with someone else, tried to hide it. Discouraged you both from meeting. Slept with a friend once before her. We (you and I) weren't together then, began acting like a couple again. Broke the secret. Told the truth. Your heart. My heart. Guilt and shame onslaught. Relief. Conscience. No more fucking around. Don't put your heart where your dick is. God how guilty you made me feel for it. You can only stand trial once. A trust doomed to succeed, certain to fail, never to regain.

You befriended her, the secret friend. You knew her before, but that was the first time you made friends. My tire was slashed. You brought up seeing me and the 2nd friend at the very end! Posted pics with her (3rd girl), felt the need to take care of her. Al anon. Asked me to lie about our secret conversation. Regretted it, said you'd admit it to her. Al anon. Coda. Distraction and diversion. When I was deceitful and checked your phone, you start every potential relationship with stress, even in text, and even if you're not very interested. I'm so overwhelmed with life, etc. I'm stressed because I like you so much! I see patterns and it's a front. What world are you living in? Or maybe you just are stressed naturally I guess. It hinders any excitement. You are an expert at bringing the focus off yourself and back to the next guy. You don't even realize it. You're a reality TV star. And your motives were realized in the group chat I started with you and the 3rd. You have another face that perhaps you aren't willing to face for yourself. But you'll always claim you are so sure of yourself. Follow it up with victimization.

You never explicitly apologized for your own shit. Actually state all of the shit you say. Has no one told you this before? Really tell you. Why do you think I recorded you? You're a trust fund kid with enabling parents. Why must you escape on parent sponsored (and for your friends too!) timeshare vacations after crises. Easy to fall into security blanket patterns. My brother was right from the start, I want an independent girl who can take care of herself. I know you didn't tell her that you'd tried to lie to her. I brought that out. She went along with it because she is a follower, and the lord be with her too. And then you called me dramatic and shared that info with her of me sleeping with someone. That was before her anyway, and we (you and I) weren't together. 2 face. I see through you. And all the while trying to get me on the phone. Who's dramatic? Haha I got caught up! No more. It gets easier to see minute by minute. Sexual connection hinders objectivity, but stepping back now helps me see.

For the good, the cosmic connection, best of all, felt supernatural, the incredible sex, all the laughs and lightness. You've affected me more than any other woman. And good times were good, but far less than anything it should've been, and for what. For what you wanted me to be? I think not. It was so good it even made you forget who you are! But that's how you are. Nothing is your fault. Do you actually understand this? I think that's why you say you loved me so much. And you said it early on, 2 months in. If it were actually true (for both of us), 1) I'd actually trust my own fucking judgment 2) we'd already be married and probably have a child, 3) you wouldn't feel the desire to fix me, and 4) the family life would be self evident. If I'm to respect myself to trust my own judgment, not for another minute will I skeptically try intuiting this connection of ours. You were a lover confidant whom I let go. We were not right for each other, "babe."  As were your very last words to me in the group chat, "good luck in your solidarity." I extend that to you as well. I mean it but I doubt you'll change by the next relationship because you've been that way your whole life!

Sometimes thoughts 33

32

Singleness, sobreity, vision work.

Greenville SC Walmart parking lot while on tour.

Sometimes thoughts 32

31

You share sometimes you learn, you give sometimes you earn, when in the end it all is time, may it be spent likewise in kind.

Sometimes thoughts 31

30

Ego-less self promotion, evidenced ethic, execution strategy. Teamwork practice. Intelligent planning, risk/reward ratio, proactive cognitive development. The hare may be the fastest, but the tortoise wins the race.

Sometimes thoughts 30

29

Social Observations - Flash mob the police, redirecting mobilization efforts of our physical and mental liberty. An example is a river fence, where signs say 'don't go in the water,' rather than straight to the water. We can achieve using river analogies. Also, chip 'readerless' cards, still executing economic function, essentially fraud, committed daily, en masse. Excess is a designated giveaway. How difficult is it for a young man to earn 10k, in all practical motivations on raising and providing for future generations, we must ally with the people.

Ben Franklin said "there are three types of people in the world: those who are immovable, those that are moved, and those who move."

Sometimes thoughts 29

Horizons

Expanding horizons going inward. #ableton

Sometimes thoughts 28

Goal

What is the end goal?

Sometimes thoughts 27

Labs

Laboratory for brains.

Sometimes thoughts 26

Impressions

Who are you trying to impress, with apples and oranges, yourself, I think best.

We all are here, thoughtful pleased, forward progressed, not easily impressed.

For when down to pass, presently flat, with consciousness, on with step.

If while onward, one is impressed, walk on two - forward, step by step.

Death we fear not, what may come, of our life, when we are not,

Staying course, pacing space, a fulltime life, affected race

When in conclusion, one must say, what of his fate, did he imply

By his impression, one of affection, remembered fondly, often spry.

Nonetheless, he moves on, distance traveled, all time gone,

Lonely, timely, thoughtfully wisely, the present gone; almost kindly, he lives on.

Sometimes thoughts 25

Wiki

Sometimes thoughts 24

Alive

You ever feel like you're gonna die but then you don't cause you're alive?

Sometimes thoughts 23

Love/Hate

You love to hate?
Sadism.
I hate to love.
Lovesickness.
You hate to love to hate?
Shame.
I love to hate to love.
Masochism.
You love to hate to love to hate?
Shamelessness.
I hate to love to hate to love.
Depression.

Sometimes thoughts 22

21

Facts presently -

30, broken up with gf, Nana discontinues chemo, Larry's dead, Logan's moved to Chi, Kenny and Callies mom and dad respectively have stage 4 and a few months left, 90 days sobriety, highest paid and most rewarding and challenging work of my career, new laptop and DAW work soon, shifts in attitude and outlook, reading more, life is good. 

sometimes thoughts 21

20

Eudaimonia - the good life.

1. Wisdom and knowledge: creativity, curiosity, open-mindedness, love of learning, perspective, innovation.              

2. Courage: bravery, persistence, integrity,  vitality, zest.                                                  

3. Humanity: love, kindness, social intelligence.                                                  

4. Justice: citizenship, fairness, leadership.                                    

5. Temperance: forgiveness and mercy,  humility, prudence, self control.                 

6. Transcendence: appreciation of beauty, excellence, gratitude, hope,  humor, spirituality.

Sometimes thoughts 20

Source - Wikipedia

L.O.V.E.

Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love and argued that love has three different components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Intimacy is a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives, and is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs. Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the relationship is permanent. The last form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combinations of these three components. Non-love does not include any of these components. Liking only includes intimacy. Infatuated love only includes passion. Empty love only includes commitment. Romantic love includes both intimacy and passion. Companionate love includes intimacy and commitment. Fatuous love includes passion and commitment. Lastly, consummate love includes all three. American psychologist Zick Rubin sought to define love by psychometrics in the 1970s. His work states that three factors constitute love: attachment, caring, and intimacy.

sometimes thoughts 19

Source - Wikipedia

curiosity

what drives curiosity? where does it spring from?

sometimes thoughts 18

17

whether you want to change the world through reputation or not is meaningless, just do you, regardless. good luck fellow artists. 

sometimes thoughts 17

paranoia

let us take from/eat the rich. let's give them something to really worry about. we are coming for you.

sometimes thoughts 16

15

Nothing is so intolerable to man as being fully at rest, without a passion, without business, without entertainment, without care. - Blaise Pascal

sometimes thoughts 15

14

life is beautiful. no salt, but a shame: beauty of itself is not a character trait. men and women who use their looks as a characteristic trait are flawed. bikini clad narcissistic traveling public figures on instagram, anyone? you're all the same image of one another, and boring anyway. no, i don't want any of your fit tea. take this brutal assertion as an example from reddit (r/roastme).

Your implants and cry for attention on here only highlight what you and everyone else already suspect... you are insecure.

Likely your insecurity stems from always questioning if you really ever earned anything by merit. Most people probably hand you things because they like looking at you. But that's made you vapid, shallow, and unable to perform in any way that adds true value in the world.

Your relationships are superficial. Your romance life always has the shadow of doubt. Does he love you... or how you look? If you were disfigured, would anyone give you a second glance based on personality?

That nagging feeling will keep you looking for validation. It keeps you in the gym. It makes you post photos online looking for praise or positive attention. It keeps you going back for a nip here and tuck there. Before long you'll look like Donatella Versace with the personality of one of her handbags.

You'll shift from being the center of attention to being part of a gaggle of women who make rude comments about younger girls because you feel jealous and rude comments about men who no longer pay attention to you.

You'd be better served working on being a better person than hunting for attention on Reddit, but you'll likely die young and your grave will be about as shallow as your personality.

Edit

Well this blew up.

First off, thanks for the gold.

I do want to ask for the folks being vitriolic in the comments, please give this girl a break. She deleted her account. She was probably just marketing herself and didn't know what she was doing. Other posts outside of a roast someone asks to participate in are a violation of the /r/roastme rules and are generally just not cool.

To those who think I went too far, or was mean and out of line with the nature of the sub... sorry. My sense of humor is dry and I enjoy saying unexpected things. That combination came off as more mean spirited than I generally am.

A few of you have been doxxing me or the girl who posted this. That is a clear violation of Reddit's TOS and is creepy and possibly illegal depending on how far you're taking it. Don't harass that girl on other accounts if you find her. Just leave it at what it was, a roast.

sometimes thoughts 14

13

drunk. seeking affect from arrogance.

hard not to be radicalized given the times with it's fed shit. 13, an irrationally feared #, a construct; shoenberg, hotels, elevators, the devil, 23, what have you - strange creatures we are. for a thought, to blast the ego out of the water: the solar system on a football field scale. at the .7, 2, 3, 4, 6-10, 16, 40, 79 yard lines - inner planets, asteroid belt, outer planets.., dime-sized sun (goal line), inner planets sized single grains of sand, jupiter-sized width of a quarter, of which can contain over 1300 earths, respectively...bear self-importance irrelevant. your blind, failing, rat race money grabbin, arrogant asses. any cosmic solar event wipes human history from the naked eye. i don't care what you think you are, shut the fuck up.

vegas.

let's arm each other because we shoot each other because it will make us safer. let's pray for each other because it will make us aware because we kill each other.

microscopic grains of sand on a grain of sand. in a solar system.

shut the fuck up. gain some cosmic perspective.

we are here with each other. forever. now. each other.

13

saturn thoughts 12

beautifully compiled and edited cassini footage, set to nine inch nails

link - https://youtu.be/KQLQkG64IKU

sometimes thoughts 11

now

now is as good a day as ever.
rekindled, fresh from earth.
seeking that fold, goosebumps with flight.
only that inspiration, so delicate - strong.

disparate - reckless energies summoned,
forth through, tumultuous, savage.
none can hinder, light beckoned -
proactive dedication, my resolute song.

sometimes thoughts 11

history

I think many people are terribly afraid of being demoted by the Darwinian scheme from the role of authors and creators in their own right into being just places where things happen in the universe. - Daniel Dennett

sometimes thoughts 10

sometimes thoughts 9

each new day. slowly, surely.

portent 5.3.14

if love is a losing game,
why a numb void?
prickly bitch
my souls cataclysm
has me reaching
for what's not there.
seemingly for now
my emptied juices
fog my brain chemistry
tired, sleepless, frustrated
rendering shit.
enough! on gated mind
if original, will out.
take to the oars
and my bubble will burst.
disorganization reigns
dissatisfaction to my minds
empty facade.
release the gates
i call to you
portent desire ensue!
so many rolling thoughts
to find one day
when 10 years have got
behind you.
when all could be worse
and i desire mastery
when creative rivers flow
my white room wall
civilian prison and the
rest of the go-getters.
make my illusion, not.
break these crystal walls
earth and water
mysterious gifts to gods.
breathe forth the wind
from my tar smattered lungs.
if i do not kill my
addiction from it; and it's
bittersweet and lonely
disappointment.
for after all loves
portent potion brings
me illusory solitude.
best yet, my taste
bore my circumstance
and grateful patronage.
capturing sonic taste pockets
and earthen vocabulary.
what do i know
of cosmic calendar vocab.
my existence is all, with
fraught emotion!
and hopeful enigmatic
self feedback!
in my own perception.

sometimes thoughts 8

she is a dream

🎶le gibet - figueroa & 9th

sometimes thoughts 7

sometimes thoughts 6

time just goes too fast, doesn't it?

species

the modern day device of your bondage in the free world. a world about selective profligation amongst our own species. a world about being forced to work so you can get money in order to live on a planet you didn't ask to be on. a world where water is essential but sold at the store. a world where you don't decide to be sick but can't afford to be treated. a world where in the words of george carlin we want to 'save the fucking planet,' but quite literally can't 'take care of each other.' we are the greatest self-deceivers, reluctant to acknowledge ourselves as a single unit floating around the sun. even a life in prison will get you a free meal the rest of your days. where are our heads at? even the ceo office mimics a cell in design. time spent. our pro-rated, quota making, budget planning, graph projecting, power point species. why must we love money and not time? 1 million seconds is 4 days, 1 billion is 31 years. e modulo vitro. fatal mindset.

sometimes thoughts 5

june 4 2017 3:30

a quick run through these digital streets,
show the man boy as before me.
no music to show in the mind's sway,
a profound nostalgia as time slips away.

a great friend turned 89 - friend,
what will my thoughts be then?
gratitude? when?
we keep traversing time. strive.
more long dead than alive.

the shadow thought, worries of caring,
for ailing elders, bearing.
no thought towards legacy, fruition,
just a basic intuition -
but to keep moving ____

this is growing up, continuing, regardless,
as if my thoughts bear this a relevant guess.
day in, day out, giving -
this is living.

how! when!

we learn 'til we die, no sorrow,
could be tomorrow.

sometimes thoughts 4

death

we die twice - biological death, and when our names are last spoken.

sometimes thoughts 3